Going Deeper: Practical Steps to Build Emotional Connection in Your Relationship
Emotional connection isn’t something that just happens in a relationship. It’s something we nurture and build through small, intentional choices. These practices don’t require perfection or grand gestures; they simply invite you and your partner to show up with curiosity, presence, and care.
Depending on the length of the relationship, it can become fairly easy to get swept up and distracted by day-to-day responsibilities. The comfort sets in, and sometimes we simply forget to prioritize small choices that have long lasting reward within our partnerships. As the Gottman Institute explains, relationships thrive when partners learn to recognize and respond to ‘emotional bids’. These are the small everyday attempts to connect that form the foundation of lasting intimacy.
Understanding emotional bids is a powerful starting point. Once you can see these everyday moments of connection more clearly, you can begin using other practical tools to deepen emotional intimacy and strengthen the foundation of your relationship. Recognizing these small bids for connection opens the door to practical steps that help your relationship grow stronger every day.
Ready for those practical steps? Here are some ways to deepen emotional closeness in your partnership:
Share emotional experiences. Watch or engage in something emotionally rich together. Like a movie, a deep conversation, a piece of art… then take a moment afterward to talk about what you each felt and noticed.
Tune in to each other’s cues. Pay attention to your partner’s tone, body language, and mood. Gently check in when you sense something (“Hey, you seem a bit quiet..is something on your mind?”).
Use touch with intention. Go beyond quick, passing contact. Offer moments of deliberate, present touch. This may be holding hands, a longer hug, a soft stroke on the arm. Any style of touch that is mean to communicate warmth and safety.
Express yourself vulnerably. Emotional closeness grows when both partners can share not just the happy moments, but also fears, frustrations, and sadness when appropriate. Letting someone see the real you builds trust.
Support each other while maintaining outside friendships. Encourage one another’s connections beyond the relationship. A strong support network helps each partner feel grounded and reduces pressure on the relationship.
Check your relationship beliefs. Talk about the assumptions you each carry. For example: talk about whether conflict means something is wrong or whether partners should always agree. Exploring these beliefs can reduce misunderstandings and unrealistic expectations.
Schedule intentional connection time. Life can get busy, so set aside dedicated moments for meaningful interaction. Use that time to talk, feel, and reconnect, not just to handle logistics or plan the week.
Emotional connection is built in small moments. It is created within the subtle choices to pause, notice, listen, and share yourself with the person you love. You don’t have to master all of these at once; even choosing one or two can shift the tone of your relationship in powerful ways. What matters most is creating a rhythm of openness and presence, where both partners feel seen, supported, and understood. Over time, these moments weave together into a strong, steady sense of closeness that can hold you through life’s changes and challenges.
If you’re looking to strengthen emotional intimacy, improve connection with your partner, or overcome obstacles in your relationship, working with one of our LA-based therapists can provide guidance and support
